Friday Fuel - 23 May

💭 This Week’s Focus: The Comparison Trap

In sport—and life—it’s easy to look sideways.
To see who made the top team.
Who got picked.
Who scored.
Who got praised.
And feel… behind.

But comparison, while natural, is a trap. It distracts, discourages, and often distorts the real picture.

The truth? Growth doesn’t happen sideways. It happens forward. One step, one rep, one lesson at a time.

This week, we explore how to help our athletes focus inward, embrace their own progress, and escape the trap that steals joy, confidence, and motivation.

🏆 Quote We Love

We’d add: it also steals focus, confidence, and purpose. Let’s help our kids reclaim them.

🧠 How Comparison Hurts – and What to Do Instead

When young athletes compare themselves to others, three things often happen:

❌ They question their worth – Instead of seeing their unique strengths, they fixate on someone else's highlight reel. A teammate’s success suddenly feels like their failure.

❌ They doubt their progress – Even if they’re improving, it doesn’t feel like enough. They overlook how far they’ve come because they’re too busy looking sideways.

❌ They forget their journey – Every athlete starts at a different place and moves at a different pace. But comparison makes them believe there’s only one timeline—and they’re behind.

🧭 What if we helped them flip the script?

Instead of asking,
“Am I as good as them?”
let’s encourage:
✅ “What did I learn today?” – Because progress isn’t always visible, but learning always counts.
✅ “What can I do better tomorrow?” – A growth mindset keeps them moving forward, on their terms.
✅ “What’s my version of progress?” – Not everyone will be the top goal scorer or fastest runner. But effort, courage, and consistency? Those are wins too.

By shifting their focus from comparison to self-reflection, we help them build confidence from the inside out—confidence that can’t be taken away by someone else’s performance.

We’ve seen this play out in our own home.
Our 14-year-old son is 180 cm and weighs 50kg. He’s constantly comparing himself to physically dominant players—big, strong, and built like trucks. It’s tough not to. But both of his coaches (from two different teams) have told him the same thing:

“You’re not going to win the physical battle. So stop trying to play their game. Use your strengths—your speed, your skill, your ability to read the game. That’s how you’ll win.”

That shift in focus—from comparison to clarity—has helped him start to see his own strengths. He’s learning that progress isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about becoming a better version of himself.

And isn’t that what sport is really about?

And Ben sees it too…

I see this comparison when I am driving youth athletes together in the car and their conversation often turns to comparing players in the team. They start to list:

“Who is the fastest and who is the slowest?”, “

“The best players from best to worst in the team.”

“Who has the most skill?”

“Who is the strongest in the team?”

I used to think that there was nothing inherently wrong in this but it has become apparent that it has a massive negative effect on those that are often at the bottom of the lists. Rather than feeling good about themselves, suddenly these players feel like they can’t compare to their peers. This came to a head the other day with one of the boys who was in tears about being the worst in the team, feeling like he will never be big enough nor fast enough to compete, and thinking about giving away the sport. The truth is that he is far less fully developed than many of the players in his team. Yet rather than see his own strengths and focusing on enjoying playing while developing a little every day, he was now stuck on the comparison with others and he felt useless.

🧠 Let’s Change the Conversation

It’s easy to fall into comparison-based questions after a game—especially when we’re eager to connect or encourage. But the way we frame our words can shape how our athletes view themselves.

Instead of fueling self-doubt or rivalry, let’s ask questions that build reflection, pride, and progress.

Try these powerful swaps:

❌ “Did you win?”
✅ “What did you learn?”

❌ “How did you stack up against the other players?”
✅ “What’s one moment you felt proud of today?”

❌ “Were you as good as the top players?”
✅ “What’s one skill you’re getting better at?”

❌ “Did the coach notice you like they did with [name]?”
✅ “What’s one way you showed effort or leadership today?”

❌ “Did you do better than [teammate’s name]?”
✅ “What’s something you improved on from last week?”

These small shifts create space for growth, self-worth, and motivation that lasts—long after the final whistle.

🎯 Try This: The “ME vs. ME” Tracker

Comparison is everywhere in youth sport—who’s starting, who made rep teams, who’s scoring more goals. But real growth happens when athletes measure themselves against who they were yesterday, not who someone else is today.

Help your athlete break the comparison cycle with a simple daily habit.

Each day this week, have them jot down:

✅ One small win – Something they did well, no matter how small
✅ One challenge – A moment they struggled or felt uncomfortable
✅ One goal for tomorrow – What they’ll try to improve, even just a little

This kind of self-reflection builds confidence from the inside out—because they’re tracking their own progress, not chasing someone else’s highlight reel.

When we chatted to Todd Beane, founder of TOVO Academy and global leader in athlete education, he spoke about the value of daily reflection. At TOVO, players are encouraged to journal—not to obsess over mistakes, but to celebrate what they did brilliantly. It helps them focus on growth, contribution, and self-belief.

Want to hear more of Todd’s wisdom?
👉 Watch the full interview here:

Encourage your athlete to keep their own “ME vs. ME” journal. Over time, they’ll begin to realise the person they’re trying to beat… is already inside them.

It builds confidence from the inside out—and reminds them their only real opponent is yesterday’s version of themselves.

📖 Resource Highlight: Understanding the Circle of Control

When young athletes get stuck in the comparison trap, it’s often because they’re focusing on things outside their control—like how good someone else is, who the coach notices, or what team they made. That’s where Stephen Covey’s "Circle of Control" becomes such a powerful framework.

It helps shift their focus inward, to what actually matters and what they can influence:

🟢 In their control:

• Their effort

• Their attitude

• Their preparation

• Their focus

• Their reactions

🟡 Things they can influence (sometimes):

• Their teammates

• Their habits

• Their routine

• Their nutrition

🔴 Out of their control:

• Other players' size or speed

• The referee’s calls

• The coach’s decisions

• Selections and team lists

Helping kids visualise this makes a big difference. Here's a great short video that explains it in under 6 minutes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1zTYTlWMCw&t=34s

🧠 Try This at Home or Training:

Print or draw the Circle of Control diagram and ask your athlete to:

• Write down 3 things they’re worried about this week.

• Sort each one into: In My Control / I Can Influence / Out of My Control.

• Focus only on the first two circles for the week ahead.

Here’s a great image you can use or recreate:

💬 Coach Tip:

Before a game or training, ask your athlete:

Building this habit helps shift attention away from comparison and toward confident, intentional action.

🥑 Fuel Tip: Eat Like an Athlete, Not Like an Algorithm

Comparison doesn’t stop at performance—it shows up at the table too.
“I need to eat what they eat.”
“She’s cutting carbs so I should too.”
“He skips breakfast before games, maybe that’s what I’m doing wrong.”

Let’s be clear: there is no one-size-fits-all plan for fueling greatness.

Inspired by advice from Dr. Katie Schofield, we’ve learned that nutrition should never be a one-size-fits-all approach. It’s about fuelling for your body, your goals, and your schedule.

🎙️ Podcast Update: Exciting News – Dr. Katie Schofield is Coming to the Podcast!

We’re thrilled to announce that we’ve officially locked in Dr. Katie Schofield as an upcoming guest on The Game Changer Podcast! 🙌

Katie is a high-performance nutritionist, former elite cyclist, and one of the leading voices in youth athlete fueling. In this episode, we’ll be diving into key topics like:

✅ The biggest nutrition mistakes youth athletes (and parents) make
✅ How to fuel for energy, growth, and recovery—without overcomplicating it
✅ What “good nutrition” actually looks like during a busy school and sports week
✅ Simple snack ideas that work for real families
✅ How to build positive food habits that last

This is going to be a game changer of an episode (pun intended!), packed with practical tips and science-backed strategies.

Got a question for Katie? We’d love to include it! Just hit reply and let us know what you'd like us to ask during the chat.

🎤 Reminder…Don’t Miss This: FREE, Live Q&A with Francis de Vries!

We’ve locked in an incredible guest for our next Game Changer Virtual Fan Q&A — Francis de Vries, current All White and standout defender for Auckland FC in the A-League.

🗓 Date: Sunday, 13 July
🕖 Time: 7:00 p.m. NZST
📍 Where: Live on Zoom
🎟️ Free — but registration is essential

Francis has had an extraordinary journey — from growing up in Christchurch to playing in Europe, and now playing a pivotal role in Auckland FC’s A-League debut season. His grit, perseverance, and mindset make him an amazing role model for youth athletes. Francis was recently named in the A-League Team of the Season and also took home the Members’ Player of the year award following an incredible campaign that saw him deliver 7 assists and 2 goals.

📖 We highly recommend reading his recent feature in the NZ Herald:
👉 Read the article here

It’s a powerful story of setbacks, comebacks, and never giving up on your dream.

💬 Bring your questions! This is your chance to hear directly from a current professional athlete about what it really takes.

🔗 Register now via this Google Form:
Secure your spot

Or email us at: [email protected]

Let’s show Francis a warm Game Changer welcome!

💬 From the Community: How You’re Shifting the Narrative

We love hearing from you—your stories, your breakthroughs, and even the tough moments. This week, we’ve been exploring the comparison trap and how to guide young athletes back to what really matters: their own journey.

Now, we want to hear your voice.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Has your family started using different language when talking about sport and progress?
📓 Has your child tried the “ME vs. ME” tracker or reflection journaling—and noticed a change in mindset?
🧠 Have you made a small tweak in your daily routine or conversation that’s helped your athlete build confidence, let go of comparison, or enjoy sport more?

Whether it’s a single sentence that changed how your athlete sees themselves, a quiet win no one else saw, or a new habit that’s helping you raise calm, confident kids—we want to celebrate it.

📩 Reply to this email or message us on Facebook or Instagram. We’ll feature a few of your stories in next week’s Friday Fuel (with your permission, of course!).

Let’s grow, learn, and lift each other up.
Together, we’re raising Game Changers. 💙🔥

As we wrap up this edition of Friday Fuel, we want to leave you with this: every young athlete’s journey is unique—and comparison only clouds the view. Progress isn't always loud or visible. Sometimes it’s quiet confidence, better decision-making, learning from a loss, or simply choosing to show up with effort and intent. These are the wins that build character and longevity in sport—and in life.

So let’s keep reminding our athletes: the real game isn’t against the player next to you. It’s about becoming a better version of who you were yesterday. Celebrate the small wins, embrace the setbacks as fuel, and keep stepping forward—no matter how slow the pace might feel.

Thank you for being part of The Game Changer community. Every story you share, every question you send in, and every conversation you have at home makes this mission stronger. We’re so grateful you’re on this journey with us—and we can’t wait to keep growing alongside you.

Here’s to raising confident, grounded, and game-ready kids—on and off the field. 💥🙌

Billinda + Ben